I

drove myself home today! whee..

apparantly, sars has spread to two patients in oshawa, where my mom works. she's talking about it right now to my aunt, over the téléphone. i'm really worried she'll catch it. and then there's my relatives in hong kong, where it all started...

oh i do indeed love big piles of nothing.

emma = heathen. she's gonna go to hell. she kept giggling, "stephaniiiie!" and waving her torso around while i was sitting peacefully in confession.

so far, so good. last week i went to 4 swim practices, so mike owes $2 to the jar. except that i owed at least $3; he says they cancel out..but i already paid...what?!

i can take my G2 anytime now. but will i? i sure won't!

fucking scared of biotech. no words to describe it...well, i guess i just did.

that, and this, is all.

all the latest non-happenings...

"i'm sorry that i made you feel bad on robot saturday. actually, i don't
believe it was i who made you feel mad, but rather i who pointed out to you
what happened on friday and you were in turn mad at yourself. it is
possible that you then directed that anger towards me, kill the messenger
and all that, but do you really think your anger with me was justified?
having said that and admitting no
fault on my part, i would still like to help if i can. if you want me to
pass your email address along to mike just let me know. i don't know him
well, but he seems very nice, and you do write charming email, i think you
could win him over yet......"

>hey now! don't analyze me!! while i do write charming email, (it's almost
>embarassing, really) you were wrong about me being angry. i wasn't angry,
>just caught off guard. what are you up to anyways, playing matchmaker and
>all this?? if you were here, you'd see my shifty eyes..or rather, if i were
>there, i'd see YOUR shifty conniving eyes!! i guess it'd be okay to pass on
>my email address. i'm not going to say "no, don't pass it on" but how weird
>is this situation?! think about it! he's going to be so confused. i don't
>think i'd email him. what would i even have to say to him? i bet you're
>laughing at me! stop it! that was your plan all along, wasn't it? to laugh?
>hm..waahh..

as for mike, i don't understand. why would i give him your email if you
wouldn't email him back? maybe you should just email him first, apologize about
the miscommunication last week and then go into some of that witty repartee that
you are so famous for. his email is [...]. i figure if
this email fiasco all goes terribly wrong, you never have to see the guy again
anyway,
you've got nothing to lose. as for me i know nothing about it and didn't give
you his last name.


should i? what would i say? it seems a little (hah. little) late to apologize for some insignificant thing that happened almost over a week ago. i think it'd be obvious i was just emailing for the sake of emailing him. but then again, would that be so horrible? this is probably going to end up being a big pile of nothing. oh well. i'll sleep on it.

aw, geez

my mom was just telling me about how because everyone is overusing antibiotics, some bacteria in our intestines are being killed off, while others are flourishing, which is bad. so they came up with this idea to transplant none other than the crap from one person with bacteria-plentiful bowels, to another person with a lack of bacteria.

she was the same age as one one.

everywhere is so sad.

on sunday, i was having a long breakfast with friends.

i told my mom about this girl on the drive home from swimming, and she was a lot of affected than i thought she'd be. i thought she was going to cry.

today, i wondered about what is meaningful. i didn't really come up with an answer. happiness shouldn't be refused, because there is intense sadness in other parts of the world, right? but we should at least be aware, shouldn't we? well. i'm so unaware.

one one wants to go teach in columbia. mr.storms told me to tell him not to. my mom says not to. i say...well, he asked me what i thought, and i didn't really give an answer. he said that the other people who taught there for practice teaching said it was pretty safe, but later i thought i should have told him that it's always safe until something happens. cliché, ahh yes.

poor family of rachael corrie. i feel sad and detached. what kind of a sad world is this.

brian mulroney said some stupid shit, i read yesterday. what a fucking racist idiot.

the weekend was great.

i felt really happy. not going to school with them makes me like them more than when i did go to school with them. do you agree, robin? met some of sem 42 people. re-met in a few cases. one of them was exceptionally interesting. and fun to look at.

haha

aw. i wish i trusted this blog enough to really blog.
i miss those days when i did.

blarg. screw it. i'll blog about it later.

i went over to emma to give her something today, and andrew d turned to me and said something long in what i thought was about my blog. then i realized it wasn't english. "is that japanese?" "no, korean." "neat-o" "you don't know korean?!" "i'm chinese." "what? ohh but aren't you sisters? [motions to emma]"

steph lee's in our class. i'm surprised that that's only the 2nd time that mix up has happened. well, that i've heard of.

when i walked home from little nba the other day, i was struck at how amazing the scenery was, if you go to the field and turn so the school's on your right. it was the sunset, and the whole sky looked fake. it looked like a painting. isn't it weird how you look at the sky and think "that looks like a painting"?

hello andrew dion!

i wrote:

ack fig newton. this place is boring. i'm really hungry and it feels like it's three in the morning.

it translated to 12 year old-speak and said:

AK FIG NEW2N111!!! OMG THIS PLAEC IS BORNG!111 OMG IMM RILLY HUNGRY AND IT FELS LIEK ITS THRE IN TEH MORNNG11!!!11!

aaahaha

title

lately, i feel like everything is moving along at much too fast of a pace. the days go by so quickly, and the faster they go, the slower i live, as if doing this will make everything else slow down too. two days ago, i was at my mom's office (he-ey..i'm there now! how 'bout that.) and had plenty of time to get my muzak history done, and some ISU book reading. i did nothing but talk to a couple of random people on msn. i probably would have left earlier if half of them hadn't been people i haven't talked to since last summer. it was strange how all of them started conversations suddenly. i wanted to skip year five day so i could recover from whatever unexistant crap i'm imagining. i went anyways, and i suppose i'm glad i did. then afterwards, i had plenty of time to get stuff done, but of course, i did nothing. you know when you're feeling sulky, and so you act like a pain in the ass just to piss other people off? that was what i was feeling, except not towards any real people, but towards time and the fast-pace of everything. so i sat around and ate my supper for what must have been 3 and a half hours. i sat down to do some homework at 11:00pm, but took a nap for 40 minutes instead. then my mom was telling me to get to bed, but instead i did the "five more minutes!" "ten more minutes!" "one more minute!". she gave up, and at 12:00am i woke up and did all my leftover work until about 2:00am, which isn't really all that bad.. then i glanced at my agenda and realized that half of the stuff i just finished wasn't due until the end of the week. oh the face slapping that was due. so i was wide awake at that time, and took a long shower. you'd think i'd want to get to sleep right away, but i was acting like an ass for no good reason.

i fell asleep at 3:14 and i remember this because after setting my alarms really loud, i looked at the clock and thought "hey, pi." then slept.

when i woke up, it was bright out, but not the fresh sunny annoying knife in the head bright that i usually wake up to. it was this dull sleepable bright, which made me really worried. i looked at the clock, and it was 3:00. i thought "you're fucking kidding me" and fell asleep again. then i woke up at 3:14, and i remember this because i looked at the clock again and thought "hey, pi." again. then i marvelled at how amazing it is to fall asleep and wake up at pi.

i'm going to toronto on a train by myself tomorrow at lunch. for some reason, this really impresses my mom. i wonder how much the taxi to bville is going to cost.

i've forgotten so many good memories and experiences. when i'm there, i always think "i'll always remember what this was like." but i never do for more than a month. which is actually pretty sad. i guess that's why people take pictures. because they think they'll remember everything when they see the picture. but that doesn't work. well, not for me.

if only i weren't so lazy. i would have kept journals. actually, i think i did. and i never look at them. when i do, it's all point form and doesn't really make sense. they are just keywords, as if i'd remember after seeing the word.

-shopping pier 5.
-fish smell.
-necklace.
-$10 camera!!
-funny old man.

like that.
now you know what it's like to shop at the fisher's market in New York.

it's raining outside. and it bangs against these windows like an angry mother.

there's a huge "sinkhole" in the parking lot, from all the beer trucks that load there for Wahoo's. i say wahoo's should pay for it, since it's their beer trucks, and cause their customers steal all our parking anyways. my mom says "meh". my dad would have thrown a fit. he was always really big on keeping our parking spots for patients. i remember being in the car with him and andrew, and he had a ... well...unhappy incident with tara's dad, when wahoo was then the gatekeeper's or something. and her dad said something and andrew rolled down the window and yelled something really funny but mean at him. i dont' remember what it was, but it ended in "eh, bud?" which sounded rediculous coming from him. my dad was all "let it go" which was strange.

anyways. how was that for memories? i forget the meaningful ones, but remember the pointless ones. or DO i?! oooOOOO!!

if wahoo doesn't pay for the hole, they should give us their beer trucks.

my mom is calling patients and telling them how their lab results are. i think she should be paid for all this paperwork and crap she does that the secretaries are supposed to do. she would agree. but probably not do anything about it. i guess there's nothing you can do.

i'm going to see everyone (almost) again, on saturday. crommie wont' be there.

i must find my fish keychains. give one to dayna.

i should get my china pictures developped right away. one of our many tour guides, kevin, could read palms. he told me that:
-i would get a disease, but survive it. my life line on my right palm is severed, then starts again.
-he looked at my marriage line and said "whoa! so many! hahaha" then told me i'd have at least 3 boyfriends before getting married.

he even wore a scarf around his neck, tied in an ascot. he looked and laughed like speed racer. josie and i tried to get a picture of him without him knowing. he was in front of a ginko biloba tree and we kept yelling that we were taking pictures of the tree (yah..17 pictures of a tree) but my camera was suspiciously aimed at the trunk of the tree, right in kevin's face. he kept turning around to look at the tree, so josie stood on the other side and took pictures of him turned. later, i told him what we were doing and he said he knew. eep.

my mom got an email from my uncle, who said that in hong kong, they traced the pneumonia to one hotel lobby. she said to me: "they traced the pneumonia to the hotel lobby where your grandparents are" and scared me shitless. if my grandparents, who are still in hong kong, and who eat out every day, get the disease ... they're so frail and old ... after reading what he actually wrote, i left and cried.

my mom's parents are really funny. everytime we visit my grampa, he's in a crisply ironed dress shirt and boxers. my gramma is always dressed in layers, and sitting down. she's such a firecracker though. she gets jealous really easily, and has the snarkiest facial expressions when she argues. when we're alone, she always tells me to be good to my mom. which makes me wonder what my mom tells her.

why did i say it for? i was even thinking "i'm not going to say it. don't say it!"
and i said it.

it probably means nothing to anyone else, but i'd feel so much better if i hadn't said anything.

little NBA was fun. cory is a neat guy. is that corEy? ah well. the point is: we won. haha i know dayna's reading this. SUCKA!!! jk. i told you guys not to steal our bench. good show, good show.
haha i'm a lameo

draino.

pelted laurie with snow-ice chunks afterwards. quite satisfying. threw a couple at dayna and kristina too, for good measure.

robot competition this weekend. i'm so excited, you have no idea. and if you do, then yes, i'm that geeky. i heard semester 42 has been messing around with our robots though. and making them from ours. why i oughta...do nothing.

so at little NBA, justin missed cause he was at work. so this...gareth? guy came out of no where and coached with me. he was fun, but i forgot he went to our school. somehow he knew everyone i knew, and seemed to know me, which was fine. i don't know who anyone in our school is. yeesh. i was wondering why he was being so vocal to one of the kids on my team, but turns out they're brothers...i think. this is all very enlightening, i'm sure. but anyways, he's a better coach than me. he knows everyone's names. i was calling this kid dustin, caileb the whole time. i have no idea why.

on the way to school, i had a flashback to the last time i played little NBA, that is, grade 8, the same age as the team i have now. and i remember my coaches seemed so old. it's hard to imagine that that's how old i am now. i'm not even that old. does this have a point? well now...

i have to miss friday's afternoon classes to visit gabe. blargh.

i think i'm going to officially stop swimming. which makes me really sad. i feel like ... a quitter? that's lame. but i do. i quitted years ago. and everyone knew.

egos are stupid. it's weird how everything can be traced back to insecurity or else big egos.

they're sharin' a drink they call Loneliness / but it's better than drinkin' alone.

Laugh and the world laughs with you;
'Weep, and you weep alone;
For the sad old earth must borrow its mirth,
But has trouble enough of its own.
-Ella Wheeler Wilcox

I don't think people can't change the way they feel. so sometimes i can't believe the kind of person i am, when i feel a certain way but don't do anything to change it. or when i hear something, and feel totally indifferent. and i feel like i should be disappointed or ashamed but i don't care. i'm aware that it's not a good thing to feel that way, but i don't really give a shit.

you'd think that after not writing for so long, i'd have something big to say. or i'd at least go over what we did in China, and some of the fun stuff that went on. and all the barftastic non-gossip.

today was year five day. my first one. the speaker tried. then gave up. then got pissy. emma was getting pretty pissed off at madison. zach kept grabbing his moobs (manboobs) whenever i came near. just because i tend to grab them doesn't mean you should cover 'em up! i ate the town he and ursula created.

i hate missing school. it bothers me a lot when i miss anything, then come back and have to try to settle back in, or catch up.

i think my mom thinks it's a good idea for me to quit swimming. she told me that i could still pick it up again in university. and another time she asked how much time was left to the season, but in a way that asked me if there was any point to staying in. i said i didn't want to quit, and she left it alone. i think she understands how i don't want to quit, but i can't make myself go back. it's such a messed up limbo. and it's not even something worth talking about. i just think the whole fact that i'm not officially off the team, yet i'm not really on the team, and i'm too ... something...to do anything about it says something about me. i was also thinking of other weird hang-ups i have, and trying to figure out what they say about me. couldn't figure it out. it doesn't matter though.

"they said the war was starting at 8 tonight"
-madison

blame it all on a rush of blood to the head.

i have piano now. i don't want to go. it's supposed to be a music history lesson, but i didn't do my homework. if i go, she'll just dictate the notes to me, which was what i was supposed to do on my own. i'm going to say i left my music history book at school, so we'll just do piano, and i'll get a chance to do the stuff on my own.

i used to believe what they told us in grade school: that everyone is talented at something. but after last semester, i started becoming a lot more aware of how i'm not talented at anything, when you compare to other people. not really people i know, but i just saw that there really are always people who are more something, or less something that anyone else.when you don't compare to other people, i can't say anyone is talented either, because you can't say someone is talented unless you have something to compare them to. so it was pretty shocking to see how people are identified by what they are good at. i guess not really all that shocking. i'm pretty okay with it now. it's a little nice not to be anything. i probably shouldn't say "not anything" because that'd still be defining people by their talents. which don't really exist.

suddenly i'm really tired. and i'm sure you are too.

i was reading some of my archives, because i'm self-obsessed like that, and i realized that none of my posts are as interesting or as funny as before. they are usually some half-assed rants about some random blurry memory i get. usually written when i should be doing something else.

i was considering getting rid of this blog. but i don't think i'd manage. i'd probably end up making a new one. i don't know what is so appealing about a blog, but it is that.

What music is more enchanting than the voices of young people, when you cannot hear what they say?
- Logan Pearsall Smith 1865-1946: Afterthoughts (1931)

Pomp and Circumstance season is fast approaching. It opens almost before the words Staple and hand in your exams manage to find shape in air, quickly followed by the sound of poor beaters peeling out of the school parking lot. It will not be until the last tearful intoxicated goodbyes from the disheveled five hundred dollar outfit sitting on the floor that the season finally closes. Another chapter in the book of life, some parents will say, holding the apple of their eye close. Rolling their eyes just in time for a camera to flash and capture the proud moment.

guurrgle..
creative writing assignments are the worst when they don't tell you what to write about. some of their suggestions: "what every parent should know" "my favourite things" "my most memorable experience"

i don't even know what i'm talking about with all that b.s. up there. i sound so incredibly bitter. and it all looks really...well half of it is one huge run on sentence.

i better come up with a point soon. i only have a bit of space left. maybe how everyone's attitudes to grad/prom is like high school, condensed? i don't see how. ohh..this is supposed to be a story. and i'm making a documentary that doesn't make sense to the person writing it.

today in music history (haha i sound like the guy from the new music archives, off the radio), mrs.m told me she was shrinking. i did a half laugh, half throat clearing, and she said "i really am. it's not funny, actually". to which i did the same thing. i didn't even find it extremely funny the first time, i just felt obligated to make a noise, and the second time i didn't even want to laugh. so i made a sound that sounded like i was laughing at her telling me not to laugh.

it can't hurt.

one of the best song titles:
chewin' the apple of your eye - the flaming lips

snow day. it's badly needed.

i made really gross dumplings. i don't even know what went wrong...all you do is put them in boiling water and wait for them to float...but somehow they came out uncooked, some falling apart, some plain disgusting...

i watched a makeover story today. and they did such a bad bad job on this one guy. well so long he's happy.

they shaved his beard. he looked unhappy.

i don't know why i was surprised aspen was in colorado.
i think i knew that too. thank you, dumb and dumber movies!

ego @ 6:30:19PM | 2003-03-04
why don't you just go off and say who you can't stand instead of being like i can't stand you- but i will not say who "you" are? god.

because it's you, fool.

today was a pretty okay day.

let us see...oh, before i forget: it didn't seem to me that julia took offense to my comment about her, i didn't think she would anyways. but i guess a couple other people see it as a big thing. but it's not a comment about how much i like her, it's a comment on her vibes i pick up. so analyze it if you want.

haha. vibes.

i know what julia means about not liking other people liking what you like. ....did you follow that? wait. i guess john said that, not julia. anyways, i feel the same way sometimes, it's sucky. i wonder what in human nature makes people feel that way anyways? is it cause if you seem unique, you show that your genes are varied, so other people would want to get with you because then they'd have a wider gene pool? greater gene flow? except that nowadays, we rely on things like what we like to define ourselves? this seems like two totally different topics.

i didn't mean to be funny when i wrote out that. but re-reading it...yeah, it's pretty fun. in a laugh at me way.

laugh, monkey!

billy joel is funny. he'd love to stay, but he's got bills to pay.

my left contact popped out early today. so i was going around with no depth perception, reading with one eye, and staring at people before i'd recognize them. everyone should see what it's like to have one contact in. everything is fuzzy and clear at the same time. anyways, afterschool i was going through the field. someone yelled "you smell!" from a car, and i turned and i couldn't tell who it was. it was a manly voice, but it looked like emma. i was staring, and trying to squint my left eye, but look normally with my right...impossible. then the figure did this gun-hands thing and i knew it was emma.

i'm not going to swimming tonight. my mom is nice.

yeah, i'm going to china. not crazy about it, but t'will be fun. actually, i am starting to look forward to it. you know what sucks major ass though?

i have to bring homework along.

tests are scheduled for the tuesday after march break. and i doubt i'll show up to school on the monday. what a bite in the ass.

mr.b stopped andrew t and i today, and told us we'd be the experts because we are chinese. no, he actually said "because you've been there before". which makes us experts. i feel so so so sorry for our group. at least andrew can understand mandarin. i guess we'd still be screwed if we were in hong kong, where they speak cantonese. but at least i could tell them what my name was. haha great.

my mom is scared i will be kidnapped and turned into a sex slave. she said: "they really go for young girls down there!" i said: no, if anyone, they'd take josie or one of the white kids who are coming. they're different lookin'!

so josie. my mom says: make sure you don't get kidnapped! don't let anyone rape you!

it's great when my mom tells me not to get raped. or to make sure no one breaks into the car.
"well okay...if you don't want me to..."

"Just Can't Get Enough" - Depeche Mode it was because of a car commercial that i remembered this song. but it bugs me that it had to be a car commercial. i remember when laurie, julia and i went to see *(gag)* two weeks notice, and there was a car commercial in the preview. it was a fancy one. with mountain sides, shiny chrome, and gino beats. i turned to laurie and said i like car commercials at the exact same time julia turned to her on the other side and told her she hated car commercials.

don't bother asking. we were talking about YOU.

Steph says:
i was suprised they were like "so what if there's a war?!"
Shannon says:
I KNOW
Shannon says:
i mean
Steph says:
it's like they don't know what a war is
Shannon says:
it is a big deal
Shannon says:
exactly
Shannon says:
and like yeah its nice to say oh we'll go on with our lives
Shannon says:
but you need to be realistic
Steph says:
jesus. it seems like no one knows what a war means nowadays.
Shannon says:
i know

yes, it's the afterglow thing. go click. make me feel important. do it, monkey!

classical music.

...classic. hahahahahahhahahaa

boo.

in grade 5, melissa had an ace of base cd, which i detested, because of having to dance to the sign at camp kitchi. she said something like no wonder, it's not your kind of music. i said, then what's my kind of music? and she said, i dunno. classical.

last week i was doing vivaldi in music history. i was supposed to listen to the four seasons to answer the questions, but it's in my mom's office. so i had to use these "classical kids" cds, where they add a story and play the music in the background. it was great though, because the music questions were fluffy things like "what images does he depict?" and meanwhile, the story would say "it's almost like i can see the nymphs and shepherds dancing in a flowering field to the gentle drone of bagpipes!" <--- word for word, the answer they wanted. nymphs, shepherds, bagpipes...flowering field.
so anyways. i like classical music. and i guess so do a lot of people. do you see my point?

that is all.

i feel sick

my mom is bitching about not going on the china trip, and how mr.p is so horrible, he implied she had a spot, teachers are so selfish, she called and was really mad at him, he's so slimy, she's gonna go to t.o. with me and look him in the face...
when i told her she couldn't go, she didn't get this pissed off. whatever. she can take my place. no, but i guess her whole problem is that she booked off march break to come, and now she can't even spend march break with any of her kids, and plus she's wasting her time; not making any money. we could have bought a car with all the money we're spending, but i'm not going to say that right now.

whenever people bitch to me, it just makes me get pissed off towards them. it's probably because most of the time, it's for stupid reasons, or they're overly emotional. i don't know why it bothers me so much sometimes when people "just want to vent". i end up saying "well why don't you just..." and they make up a dumb excuse why it's just not plausible. then they go on and on, usually with the dumbest and most selfish reasoning. i guess that's the whole point to rants though. it's when you're dumb and selfish, and just want to get out what you're feeling. they're mighty annoying though.

i think that's how a lot of fights between my mom and i start. she rants about anything, and i get pissed off at her for ranting. so i blow up, then to her, i'm freaking out for no reason.

i saw chelsea's model pictures on that site julia linked to. one of them looks really professional.

matt's hotter than he looks in those pictures.
what i like the most about that site though, is how they have a broad range of cultures and backgrounds. it makes you feel good.

i suppose that's what you get when you're based in belleville.

i still feel sick.

i've felt sick for a while. not physically, but..my stomach just feels gross. my emotional stomach. why is it when you're hurt, your heart hurts? or your chestoral region in particular? haha chestoral. i guess it's just a reflex, but why?

robyn says i always say "but whuuaaayy?" in chemistry a lot. the answer is always: it just is. then mr.w goes to say "That's the way God made the world" and uses some random example, like why god made a bug like a bug. it just is. which isn't. but anyways. haha oh dear.

still sick.

choir is fun. but fun like a roller coaster. it's scary.

they treat you nicer if you can read music. they act like it's a second language, and that only a select few can do so. i'm not complaining though.

the kids from nicholson looked like babies.

pancake tuesday tomorrow.

physics was boring today. i guess mr.g noticed all our rows but one are arranged by sex. he said guys shouldn't be scared to talk to girls.

algeo was...i don't even remember what happened in it.
english was neat. soliloquys went well. i thought jason a would have gone even more all out. april's was good, she was so nervous. jen wouldn't stop stabbing me with her sai. she called me an "unnatural hag" and pointed at me. i laughed and clapped, and screamed for more. (that actually didn't happen.)

alls i have to say is: it's about damn time. and i did nothing.

i was whipped by a cord today. it hurt. i said "that really hurts!" and they laughed. during my soliloquy, i almost nicked tyler s in the eye with jen's king's cummerbund she didn't use. i did a sort of towel snap, and if he hadn't jumped back, i would have gotten him.

i almost out-ed his vile jelly.

i like english jokes even more than science ones.


...

....


!!!
i know what i typed. aaahahahahaaaaew.

they guys in our school who do science/math think they are a lot better at it than they are. when they get a question right, or half right, or say they would have gotten one right, they are too vocal about it. it's worse because they think they are good.

i hate people who think they are smart. no one is. smart.

julia is turning too much like those self-righteous jackasses in our school. man. the only people i honestly can't stand. what idiots.

anyways.

sick.

i know why, too. what a stupid moment in time.

julie doesn't like the colour of her hair. that's a relief. just adding some blonde streaks my ass. more like dousing a bucket of radioactive bleach over your head.

josie told me her plans for being a mean drunk. i say: why wait?

be a mean drunk now.
ahaa..that's not what i meant.

god. such a horribly stupid moment. i can't get it out of my head. and it makes me sick.

i got a haircut. and people say they like my streaks too. i say, they're almost a year old. they say oh.

i'm going to be in china in 4 days or so. do you lose a day, or gain a day when you head west to china? wow, i think you gain a day.

i have things to do till then. like get money.

i hate being the shoulder to cry on. i mean, i like helping people, but not when they are supposed to be my support.
haha fucker, you'll never know what i'm talking about.

i like swearing. i don't know why. when people say "oh i don't, because you should be able to use intellect and an extended vocabulary to express your emotions", i say, shut the hell up, bitchass. if you're trying to express how you feel in "proper" words, you're still venting the same emotions. so the meaning behind it is still the same as if you swear. the only difference is that somewhere along the way, someone decided to choose what words can't be said in public, and which of their synonyms can.

that was a pretty huge jump, there. i'm sure no one followed my train of thought.

whee...

hahaha i'm being such a loser.

you make me so angry. i seriously can't stand you sometimes.
i miss feeling content with everyone/thing.

we were talking about "white" culture the other day, and how being caucasian is considered like a nationality now, but in almost all the other races, it's a really big deal; what ethnic country you belong to.

i'm no prouder of being chinese than i was before, but when i was younger, i would be concerned with people knowing i was canadian, and not chinese. i think i just thought that was what you were supposed to do. i think it started turning around when those "i am canadian" beer commercials came out, and i said i liked them. mark flipped out, and grilled me on why i felt more of a kinship with people in the yukon, or BC, than with the people in china.

i think it's for the best that i'm home alone for a while.
i feel a "cool anger."
haha...DIE!

hee hee.